A jewel under compost
I want to stop myself from thinking.
I want to stop myself from thinking because I am afraid of where my thinking will lead. I am afraid of where my thinking will lead since it may mean I have to do work or otherwise suffer somehow. There is always the risk that what work I do does not live up to my own standards and then I will feel bad about myself. I do not want to feel bad about myself.
The easiest way to stop myself from thinking is to reach for a screen. To dart around from synthetic place to synthetic place. To be overwhelmed by all of the novelty. When an image is moving and there are many of them, you don’t have time to think. There is no reason to think when you can have a moving image to tell you what to think, or stop you from thinking–to drown out what it is you were going to do anyway.
I want to stop myself from thinking by reaching for a screen because life has no inherent meaning. Life has no inherent meaning because it has been robbed of it’s meaning by misguided thieves. We are fed a simulacrum (money) to make up for what has been stolen (spirit). With nothing driving our actions (spirit) other than the reward for action (money) we have become lost. Community (spirit) is replaced with self-sufficiency (money). A home (spirit) has been eroded to a liminal, thin-walled apartment (money). Brick has been traded for glass. Meaning for progress.
Since we’re already lost, we may as well sit and have a smoke. Have a drink. Have a laugh. Our reward centers have no aim: they are adrift. And so, I float, from thing to thing, waiting for the sweet release of death.
But I am alive! The trees and birds and people, they sing in resonance! Each moment we are all breathing and the Earth breathes along with us! In spite of it all, in spite of the eternal darkness, there is irreverent light! Spirit can never be crushed; the light will always shine through!
One gets the feeling that no matter how much compost you pile onto a jewel, how much refuse and vitriol, the interior of the jewel remains unchanged.